Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
