I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
