In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
All I want is dick and wine.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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