I am full of burrito and curiosity
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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