She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
