He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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