I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i came on her dog
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
