His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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