I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
