i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
