so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
