i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
