The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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