I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
