She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
