I look better un-naked...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
