Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
