I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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