i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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