I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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