Dude my mom stole all your condoms
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
