my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
