i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
