Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize