think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize