I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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