my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
