Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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