I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
