Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
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