So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
