party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
