you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
