I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
