Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Randomize
