Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
