I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
