So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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