omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
