I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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