Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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