We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
