I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
