Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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