I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
