I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
