We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
