If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
