I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I made him laugh his dick is mine
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
