Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Randomize
