Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
