remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
