You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Randomize
