i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
