I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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