my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
