Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
