I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
