do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
