Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
