she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
But we have bathrooms and they dont
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize