i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
