When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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