You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
