Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
