Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
