fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
